You are in China. You have depression. You feel all alone. You want to check out. I don’t know who you are. But I know what you are going through, because I have been there. You may think nobody cares, but I care.
你在中國。你患有
抑郁癥。你感到
孤獨。你想要知道自己怎么了。我不知道你是誰(shuí)。但是我知道你正在經(jīng)歷的一切，因為我曾經(jīng)也站在那個(gè)位置。你可能覺(jué)得沒(méi)有人在乎，但是我在乎。
On this year's World Suicide Prevention day (9/10), I wrote this poem for those...
在今年的世界預防
自殺日（9月10日），我為這些人寫(xiě)下這首詩(shī)：
whose light’s dimmed by depression,
他們的心燈被抑郁癥的黑暗籠罩，
who feel so much pain and despair, and are ready to go,
他們的痛苦難以承受，準備離開(kāi)這個(gè)世界，
whose life hangs by a string and nobody knows.
他們命懸一線(xiàn)卻鮮為人知。
I hope this poem can bring you the strength to hang in there.
我希望這首詩(shī)可以給你支撐下去的力量。
It’s disappointing, when you look into the mirror every morning
當清晨鏡中的你滿(mǎn)面愁容
It’s terrifying when you stand at the tip of a cliff with no space to back away
當險峻崖邊的你回首途窮
It’s hopeless, lost in the ocean without the sight of the shore
當絕望于滄海，渺渺無(wú)盡
It’s painful, when the music plays and the heart aches
當沉浸于悲樂(lè )，難忍苦痛
It’s suffocating, when you try to breath but it feels like you are in a vacuum
恰如在真空中呼吸，徒勞無(wú)功
The rest is nothing, pulseless, numb
周遭——死寂、麻木、虛空
One day, you hear a voice in your head that tells you to end it all
“結束吧，結束吧！”一個(gè)聲音回響腦中
It’s scary at first
最初，最初，它是懼怕，是惶恐
Soon, the never ending pain makes the voice sound gentle
很快，很快，不止的痛令它溫柔而朦朧
You look inside
你瞅瞅你的心
Your soul has already rotted
那靈魂早已不再青蔥
You can be surrounded by people who love you
哪怕愛(ài)你的人們仍與你相擁
But still feel totally alone
孤獨卻如附身，牢牢停駐
There’s only pain left, the undesirable pointless pain
痛苦是你唯一的感知，即使荒謬，即使令人忡忡
One day, you decide it's time to follow the voice
有一天，你決定隨著(zhù)聲音，離去匆匆
There comes the plan
那個(gè)計劃，已經(jīng)蠢蠢欲動(dòng)
You can’t think anymore
你不愿去想
You know it’s gonna hurt people around you
愛(ài)你的人會(huì )怎樣遍體鱗傷
You have said sorry to them in your head thousands of times
對不起，對不起——千遍萬(wàn)遍，你歉意濃濃
For the pain you are going to cause them
卻也無(wú)法補償你走后他們的絕望傷痛
You wrestle with following the plan
你與你的計劃廝殺、掙扎
You call the suicide prevention hotline when the world is asleep
當世界沉睡，你撥通自殺預防熱線(xiàn)的號碼
You are talking to a person on the other end about your life
你談起你的生活，對那個(gè)陌生的他
There’s not much to talk about
卻發(fā)現寥寥數語(yǔ)便結束對話(huà)
You just don’t get why you feel this way
你疑惑這樣的感受從何而來(lái)
That person makes you promise not to kill yourself
卻向他承諾了不會(huì )自殺
You say the words you know they want to hear
這一些，只是他們想要聽(tīng)到的話(huà)
Only to find the voice in your head is louder
但你腦海的聲響卻一再變大
One day, you write a letter
這一日，你開(kāi)始寫(xiě)一封信
To people that you know who will want an answer
因為人們將會(huì )需要一個(gè)來(lái)自你的回答
You pick up the pen
拾起沉重的筆
There seems to be so much that you want to say
心中千萬(wàn)思緒繁復如麻
But words don’t come
筆尖卻干澀地停下
You write while tears pour down your cheek:
一字一句，你的淚水滾落臉頰
“Sorry, I can’t do it any longer. I have depression. I am too sick to get well. I am sorry…”
“對不起，我不能再堅持。我抑郁了。對不起。我的生活再無(wú)法燦爛如霞……”
Strangely, some days you start to feel a bit better
莫名之中， 你偶爾感到些許歡欣
Knowing that you are going to rest in peace
你向往著(zhù)將要到來(lái)的安然平靜
Other days, you feel nervous
另一些時(shí)候，你
焦慮著(zhù)，情不自禁
Not knowing what’s after death
想著(zhù)死后會(huì )是怎樣的情景
But you decide to gamble
放手一搏吧，還能怎樣
You are already burning in a living hell
你的世界早已入地獄般蒼涼、無(wú)情
The rest of the days, you see this world in slow motion
世界的慢動(dòng)作填充著(zhù)你的僅剩光陰
You frame the
smile of your friends in your head
你腦海鋪滿(mǎn)朋友們微笑的剪影
You take a snap shot with your eyes,
你用雙眸拍下的快照里
The corner of the road you turn every day as you pass by it
是每日途徑的那個(gè)轉角的風(fēng)景
You dance with your friends for the last time
朋友們，再跳一支舞吧
After your favorite song
隨著(zhù)你最?lèi)?ài)的那一首歌
You hug them as usual,
你擁抱他們一如平常
But tighter
卻不自覺(jué)地摟得更緊
You are saying goodbye
再見(jiàn)，再見(jiàn)——你這樣說(shuō)著(zhù)
But no one knows that you are saying goodbye…
卻無(wú)人知曉，無(wú)人聆聽(tīng)
You are scared when the day comes
你對那一天的到來(lái)充滿(mǎn)恐懼
You’ve never been that scared
前所未有的那般恐懼
Your body is shaking because it still wants to live
你求生著(zhù)的、顫栗著(zhù)的身軀
But your mind is determined to destroy the demon that torments you
抵不過(guò)你堅定的反抗著(zhù)的意志：不要折磨，遠離殘酷
Taking your life is the only way to do that
死亡是唯一解決問(wèn)題的光明之路
You affirm to the voice
你隨著(zhù)這個(gè)聲音
And you close your eyes
你閉上你的眼睛
“I never imagined it would end this way
“從未料到我的生命將這樣結束
Goodbye, life”
永別，這就是我人生的結局”
Your body isn’t ready to go,
反抗著(zhù)的你的身體
It fights back
它不愿離去，不愿停止呼吸
You wake up feeling disoriented and useless
你醒來(lái)，茫然無(wú)助，灰心喪氣
For a second time, you have to make a big life decision
那一刻，你必須做下那個(gè)決定
“To live”
“活下去”
I never knew I could come out of this
我從未預料到自己能從這樣的魔爪下逃離
Now every day is a given
而如今，我視每一日珍貴如恩賜
I allow myself to be frustrated, sad, angry or broken at times
有時(shí)，有時(shí)，焦躁、難過(guò)、生氣，可這些都沒(méi)有關(guān)系
I am glad depression didn’t take me
因為抑郁未奪去我生命已令人欣喜
I am grateful to be able to smell, see, hear and feel
鼻靈、耳聰、目明，以及能感知的魂靈，我心懷感激
Life is a miracle
生命是個(gè)奇跡
My life is a miracle
我的生命是個(gè)奇跡
Please know that depression is a medical illness (go to Depression Causes session for more info). I got through it, and so will you! You can't promise that life won’t try to take you down, but you can promise your life to try battle it.
要知道抑郁癥是一種病癥，我已經(jīng)康復了，你也會(huì )的！你無(wú)法保證生活不會(huì )試圖擊垮你，但你可以保證你會(huì )用你的生命抗爭到底。
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